To have compassion is to be co-passionate with another human being for their suffering; it is to experience another’s pain at the same intensity, on the same level. To feel and express this gift of compassion, this deep soul empathy for another brings peace to their suffering, One can energetically feel the burden of grief lifted when another expresses deep empathy, it is as if the pain, in that moment, is completely shattered through the expression of compassion by another. The body softens, the mind returns to peace, and the heart is healed, all through the gift of compassion. It is one of the noblest gifts within the human experience.
When we allow the gift of compassion during our grieving, we make a conscious choice out of our pain and back to peace. Further, when life allows us the opportunity to give this gift to another, we also heal those pieces within us that are still broken. Through compassion, we practice self-love, self-forgiveness, and self-inspired empathy. It is in this very place that the true healing of our heart happens. It could be said that the very lesson of loss is to teach this deep, soul empathy.
There are 3 Expressions of Compassion:
First: We seek compassion from an outside source or sources. We feel confused, lost, broken. We seek understanding from those around us that we feel might be able to offer guidance, support, and insight. These people may be our family members, friends, a therapist, pastor/priest/spiritual practitioner, etc.
Second: We recognize the grieving mind in others and offer our very own guidance, support, insight, resources, etc. We feel the deep hurt of the loss that the other is experiencing, and express this empathy in any and every way possible to the bereaved, bringing peace and healing to that very moment.
Third: We recognize the hurt of a loss in ourselves, the grieving mind in ourselves and are able to practice self-love, self-compassion, and understanding. This is the greatest gift we can give ourselves. This is high-conscious level compassion, as we come to experience that we no longer need anything outside of who we are to bring us this feeling of deep inner peace.
At the opposite end of compassion lies judgment. It is more likely than not that most, or many people around you may completely lack any sort of understanding of your grieving, simply because they have not yet experienced such a loss, and this is no more their fault as is your loss your “fault”. When other’s judge, it is done through a subconscious desire to confuse one’s behavior with who they truly are. For the grieving mind, judgment over how one is handling their grieving process can feel like the very destruction of the self, the very mutilation of the psyche. This, of course, is not a reality, but within the altered state of the grieving mind, in its vulnerable state, one cannot often tell the difference.
When others lack the ability to be compassionate, they also lack self-love, self-forgiveness, and self-understanding. How can one have empathy for another when they have not yet learned how to do this for themselves? It may be necessary during the grieving process to protect one’s heart from people and/or situations which lack compassion, lest it create further suffering. This is your time to be gentle with your heart; do not hold any guilt for doing what is necessary to process your grief. Refrain from “judging the judger” in return, as this will create an endless cycle of suffering which serves no one.