At some point during the grieving process, you may discover that you have forgiveness work to do so that you may move on. You may, at some point have to forgive the “loved one” for something they did or did not do to you, or you may have to forgive yourself for something you did or did not do during your time with them. Forgiveness, however, is not excusing bad behavior, but rather, letting go of the belief that the past could have been different. If the past could have been different it would have been, and at some point, no matter how much pain someone caused us or how much pain we caused someone else, we must free ourselves from the false hope that the past could have been different. We must accept the divine timing of life, that everything will unfold perfectly, and everything in life, even seemingly painful events, happen just as they were meant to be.

There are 3 Levels of Forgiveness:

Low Level Consciousness: I forgive someone else for that they did/did not do

Intermediate Level Consciousness: I forgive myself for what I did or did not do

High Level Consciousness: I forgive the belief that the past could have been any different from what it was. This is transcendent and moves beyond the ego-identified mind of rightness, of “I was/am right and you were/are wrong”, or even “I was/am wrong and you were/are right.”

It is only the ego which benefits from remaining locked in its position of “rightness”, of “I am right and you are wrong”, or collectively, as “We are right and they are wrong.” If it is true that we cannot argue with what is in our lives, what is currently present, then we certainly cannot argue the absolute truth of what was, what has already passed. As Eckhart Tolle says, “The mind cannot forgive, only you can.” As such, “it is only the ego which is strengthened from its position of ‘rightness’, as we tell our story and collect other egos to be on ‘our team’ of ego identified rightness. However, every moment that goes by, every day that goes by, locked in this prison of “rightness”, we keep ourselves from love, from life, and peace, as the mind’s identification with being “right” is a form of hatred, a form of violence.

When seen from this perspective, one’s own personal insistence of “rightness” is an act of violence against another, just as when another forces their ego-identified “I am correct” thinking upon us, it is also an act of violence. When we take such a hard position with the mind, it is an attack on the individual with the opposing viewpoint; it is used as a weapon to tear another down, to diminish, and to destroy. In truth, we cannot attack another without also attacking something within ourselves. When we hold our opinion in the form of a weapon, we close ourselves off from all possibility that there is another way, and when we shut down the vast possibilities that exist within us, we also shut out change, transcendence, love, and peace. There is always another way.

“Forgiveness is to offer no resistance to life, to allow life to live through you. The alternatives are pain and suffering, the greatly restricted flow of life energy, and in many cases, physical disease.” – Eckhart Tolle

For more information on how to do forgiveness work, go to :


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